What I Wish I had known before I got Divorced
Marriage Should be Hard and Divorce Is Not Easy
Marriage isn’t easy, we all know this. That doesn’t mean we should give up or throw in the towel at the first sign of a struggle. I thought my marriage would last forever. I thought what we had couldn’t be broken, but I was wrong. In my case, I don’t regret the marriage or the divorce, it was the right thing to do. But I do wish I would’ve known one thing before I got divorced that would’ve made my marriage a bit easier and more enjoyable while I was in it.
It didn’t really get real until we became parents. If marriage is hard, kids are next level. Of course kids bring bountiful love and joy yada yada yada, but that’s not what we’re talking about here. When I went on maternity leave and met some other moms and was very surprised how we were all struggling with the same issue in our marriages.
The Unspoken Burden of Marriage
The issue is as old as time and despite all our modernization and progression in equality, women still carry more of the burden of domestic life, kids and all. And it chips away at you, day after day, year after year. Some women were actively fighting, others accepting, some embracing but all are complaining. Complaining or enabling? That is the key question.
I thought I was the coolest wife ever. Rarely nagging my husband to do things. Then thinking he should do things based on his own motivation and engagement. This really didn’t work. It blew up in my face once our son came onto the scene. After that I realized I didn’t have a partner. This was far beyond just the domestic issues, it also included emotional and other issues. After all is said and done, I’m glad I had this painful realization and was able to start a new life with my son.
The one thing that I regret is that I wasn’t more vocal about the running of the household. Not in a nagging, guilt causing, martyr, woe is me kind of way. But in a calm, logical fashion laying out my needs and the gaps in the household and getting him on board.
Don’t Hold Back on Your Marriage Needs
Why do we do it? We’re strong, we’re powerful but beyond sarcasm, complaining and joking do we really communicate our needs to our partner? Maybe it’s already too late for your relationship, don’t stay if you are seeing the signs. But if it’s not too late and you’re looking for more joy and happiness on the home front, tell him what you need.
Directly tell him and don’t settle for less. Now that I’m a relationship coach I wish I had one when I was going through these turbulent times. If I had spoken to a relationship coach I might have gotten clarity on my situation. Maybe I might have taken action.
Get Clarity on Your Marriage
Whatever you are facing, our coaches can provide guidance and support. We can help you get the clarity you need about any relationship issue.
Take the plunge and call one our relationship coaches today and let us guide you on your journey.
Contact us to learn about how a Relationship Coach can help you find the happiness you deserve.